The Real Me

The Real Me

Sunday, December 16, 2012

I wrote the following piece yesterday afternoon around 4pm, moved by the events of Friday in Newtown, CT.

Please pass it on if you find it moves you, too.

Peace and blessings to all.



This morning. 

I woke up in a cozy warm bed.  My first thoughts were of sunlight and a day to relax.

I took the dog outside.  Breathed in the crisp morning air.  Made a cup of tea.  Then I turned on the tv.  Bad mistake.

There it was.  

I turned it off.  And I continued with my day.

Decorated the living room for Christmas.  Took the dog on a long leisurely walk by the beach.  Ate a lovely salad for lunch.  Baked a cake.  Raked some leaves.

And all the while, it lingered there in my thoughts.  As I thought about all of the things that I needed to do today, that I wanted to do today, I was also aware of those things that I did not have to do today.

I did not have to plan a funeral for my six year old child.

I did not have to face a room of toys and clothing and childhood stuff left, standing still, awaiting my child’s return.

I did not have to figure out how the heck I would survive the minutes, hours, days and weeks ahead.  

And then there’s Christmas.

I, the one whose daughter is living a vibrant life in New York City, I will get to enjoy the celebrations of the minutes, hours, days and weeks ahead.  I will go to bed Christmas Eve with her here in my home, and awaken on Christmas morning to share opening stocking, gifts, and hymns at church.

And all the while, I think, no, actually, I hope, that those other thoughts will linger, too.  Not so that I can wallow in some sort of false melancholy, but so that I can appreciate all the more that which I do have.

I think it lingers in all of our minds today, even as we might not think it polite to talk about it in the midst of a party.

So the question is, what WILL we do with it?

Will we pick up and live our lives as usual?  Or will we think, once again, about how precious life is?  About how much we need to embrace the present moment? About how love is… the ONLY thing that truly matters.

I may worry about how I’m going to pay my bills.  Or whether I should paint, or make music, or write.

Worry?  really?  I have no worries today.  I live a charmed life.  And I pray, I pray every moment that I can remind myself to pray, for those families whose lives changed forever yesterday morning at 9:31 am.

God bless each and every one of them.